Another fic.
I just noticed I have a fasination with death fics.. o_O; Well, I'll do a little explination of "No one Ever Forgets". That's a trick fic. Really.. It's not that helpful.. but, it's Kaoru. He's daydreaming before going to practice. Wondering what would happen if Toshiya died, and he snapped out of it as he was walking.. So, it's all a trick. Now, this one's going to get Katy to kill me. But, I wrote it about a year before I met her.. But, It's one of my favorites.. So, here, read. ^_^



I’ll be with you soon

Note: I don’t own Kaoru or Toshiya.. Or Dir en grey for that matter. So, do not fuss about the fic. These people are real, but the fic is all fake. FAKE! As in, not real, as in… what I want. So, shh.. Okie? Okie!

Um.. Oh, the song. The lyrics are the ENGLISH translation to a Korean band’s song. It’s H.o.T’s “A song for a Lady” but in English, like I said. I used this song because it fits. Nothing is changed, they don’t use ‘he’ or ‘she’ so I used it. So, don’t criticize me for it. BTW, don’t criticize me for how the song’s used! If you don’t like it, then it was your fault for reading this. I TOTALLY recommend this song.. If you want to see the music video, or hear the song, IM me at “Lustful Toshiya” on AIM. I’ll be glad to send it to you.

Thank you, have a nice day.

~~~~~~

/ I'm sorry for the scars I've given you
Making tears fall down your gentle, white cheeks /


Kaoru sat in his room, writing down random scribbles of a song. It’s been a year since Toshiya’s death, a year that he hasn’t left his house. If it wasn’t for Die, he would’ve died from starvation. The loss was dreadful to Kaoru and he couldn’t even stand at the funeral. Kyo had made a point to sing “The Final” at the funeral, but it was Kaoru’s job to arrange everything. Maybe Kyo didn’t know how much it hurt; but, the stubborn Kaoru just listened and arranged all of Toshiya’s basses around the casket.. Die had to follow him around since he was so weak from crying. When it was time to play, Kaoru had to sit in a chair because he could no longer stand. Kaoru also took the song, and made it into a ballad, the emotion he put into the song made everyone in the area cry..

Now, Kaoru sits there, alone. Reminiscing the time he spent with Toshiya, who happened to be his lover. Yeah, Kaoru had fallen for that hyperactive bassist… who wouldn’t?

But, just why did Toshiya die?

It was a daily event of his, when he was alone. Kaoru would remember it. That day when Toshiya walked into the studio.

The day was like any other, Kaoru arranged for a band practice, but he was warned that Toshiya would be late. So, he didn’t bother to make everyone wait for the bassist. While Toshiya was gone, Kaoru had gone over the plans for the next concert. The song order, changes to the songs, what effects he wanted to be added, how the stage will look. Then he had personal talks with each member about their roles in the show. That was when Toshiya came in, 40 minutes late, but who’s counting? He walked in with a piece of paper in his hands, reading it over and over. Kaoru walked over to him and greeted the… upset bassist. So, Kaoru looked to the paper. “Test results for Hara Toshimasa” It had been a while, but Kaoru remembered that as Toshiya’s real name.. But, test results? He read on… “Tested positive” Positive for what? Kaoru noticed it then, Toshiya didn’t take notice to Kaoru’s presence. Normally they’d be lip locked and have everyone gagging at it. But, they weren’t and Shinya had went to say something though Die stopped him. Kaoru went to read the rest of the note, but Toshiya folded it and put it away. Then he…smiled. Looking up to Kaoru and he smiled. Saying he wanted to talk when they got home.

Practice was like any other, they went through their parts and played the songs in concert order. Kaoru handed out papers for everyone so they knew what was going on, and everyone went home. When Toshiya and he got home, they barely got in the door before Toshiya started his confession. He had cancer… lung cancer. Hell, it was expected with how much they smoked…but he didn’t smoke as much as the others, so it was sad to learn that. That night they just laid together and cried..

After that, the nights got better, they didn’t cry as much but Toshiya was getting sicker and sicker. In about a year, he was too sick that he couldn’t perform.. But, Kaoru asked for one last concert on Toshiya’s birthday, and Toshiya did it. It was the best concert, Dir en grey announced that they were breaking up and everyone was upset, though, Toshiya was shocked. Kaoru didn’t tell him that they were going to do that so Toshiya didn’t have to admit that he was sick. A few months later…. He died.

/Forgive me, Forgive me please.
be so frightened if you leave,
Because I love you so much./


Kaoru had been working so hard to do something special for the anniversary of Toshiya’s death. The others were going to get together and they would play “Cage” then, Kaoru wanted to sing a song… He was having the hardest time doing it though. He had to admit, writing the lyrics wasn’t a strong part, but the music would be a breeze, he already had a tune playing in his head..

/Once, you were not by my side,
It was too hard and lonely,
On that rainy day
I stood outside to cry./


Each word he wrote on that paper brought him closer and closer to crying. Pulling all of these emotions from deep inside him, the feelings he hadn’t let anyone know he was feeling. Ever since the death, Kyo’s been coming over to make sure Kaoru was alright. Sometimes, Kyo would get Kaoru to play and he’d sing. But, Kyo also was helping Kaoru learn the bass part to “Cage”, he said that Kaoru should play it…because he was so close to Toshiya. But, holding Toshiya’s bass in his hands was one of the hardest things he has ever done. Never-the-less, he learned how to play “Cage” then altered two guitar parts into one and Die obediently learned the harder part.

/I love you, I miss you.
I promise to make you so happy,
As much as you've made me
You'll never get tired or sad.
Please come back./


The day was drawing closer, Kaoru had half the lyrics written down, but already had the music to it and had handed out parts to the others for them to learn. Kyo, who was learning how to play guitar, had the lead part. Kaoru said it was his way of thanking him for letting him sing this. So, he taught Kyo how to play it and he memorized it in a month. Kyo even played it on Kaoru’s black Ganesa guitar, which he rarely let anyone touch.

/I'm sorry, I'm really sorry,
and I love you.
You don't know how many times I've sung this song,
and tears form in my eyes./v

It was their first practice in so long. Kaoru managed to get up and go there, he had been so sick from overworking himself. He was skinny, tired, but still hard at work. Sitting on a chair facing the others, he listened to them play, it helped him write the song. The others didn’t mind playing the song over and over again since it seemed to pull Kaoru from the pain.

/Today, I wanted to see you so much,
I held on tight to your picture with my two hands,
Tears fell from your eyes
And now your crying with me.
I love you, I miss you
I promise I'll make you so happy,
As much as you've made me.
From now on, you'll never get tired or sad./


The concert was in three days, just three days to finish the song. Kaoru was rushed, pushing himself to get the emotions into words. Die had to hand feed him now.. Poor Shinya couldn’t bare to look at him, and Kyo had moved in with Kaoru just to keep him company. Though, Kyo couldn’t manage to feed Kaoru, he couldn’t bare to see him like that.. All Kyo did was sat in the corner playing his part in that song over and over until he fell asleep. The music helped Kaoru keep from a breakdown.

/You are coming back.
I believe in you./


One more day until the concert, Kaoru had shut out Kyo. Told him to go home. He didn’t want to make his friend suffer. He told Die to stop coming around, but Die didn’t listen. He continued to come and feed Kaoru. It was harder and harder… Kaoru knew he had to finish the song.. No one heard him sing it. The concert…was tomorrow.. The anniversary to Toshiya’s death.. Kaoru was starting to doubt he’d have enough strength to go.

That night Kaoru slept alone. Kyo wasn’t there in the corner, playing. Die wasn’t knocking on the door to see if Kaoru ate or not.. He was just alone.

/I love you Once, just please hold on to me
For that one reason, I will never cry again./


When Kaoru woke, there was a thin stream of blood flowing from his mouth. He coughed and more blood came out. What was wrong? Shrugging it aside, he cleaned up and got dressed in simple black clothes.. Okay, a tight fitting turtle neck and tight black pants to match. Then, he grabbed his music, the bass he would be playing and his Ganesa guitar and left for the hair dresser. So, he did have the energy. Once at the hair dresser, he got his hair dyed purple and then the really long black hair-- that he was known for-- had blue highlights put in it to remind the others of Toshiya’s wild blue hair. Then, he went to the grave yard.

Once he got there, he noticed that there was already a crowd and the others were waiting. Kyo rushed over to get the guitar from Kaoru and Kaoru followed Kyo to their marked off stage…with Toshiya’s gravestone right in the middle. Kaoru tuned the bass, then the guitar for Kyo and they waited for the time to start.

The press was everywhere.. Kaoru looked to the lyrics.. He still wasn’t done… but, he shook his head and sat on his chair…still too weak to stand for long. They played “Cage”. Everyone was crying since Kaoru had been playing the bass part. He coughed a lot, there was more blood running down his chin, but he wiped it off.

Now, it was his turn. Putting the bass down over where Toshiya was buried, he then walked over to the mic. Kyo got the guitar, and he nodded to Kaoru to let him know it was okay to start. And then everyone played. Kaoru waited for his part… and he began to sing…:

“I'm sorry for the scars I've given you
Making tears fall down your gentle, white cheeks


Forgive me, Forgive me please.
be so frightened if you leave,
Because I love you so much.


Once, you were not by my side,
It was too hard and lonely,
On that rainy day
I stood outside to cry.


I love you, I miss you.
I promise to make you so happy,
As much as you've made me
You'll never get tired or sad.
Please come back.


I'm sorry, I'm really sorry,
and I love you.
You don't know how many times I've sung this song,
and tears form in my eyes.


Today, I wanted to see you so much,
I held on tight to your picture with my two hands,
Tears fell from your eyes
And now your crying with me.


I love you, I miss you
I promise I'll make you so happy,
As much as you've made me.
From now on, you'll never get tired or sad.


You are coming back.
I believe in you.


I love you
Once, just please hold on to me
For that one reason, I will never cry again.”

Once he got there, there was another soft break in the song, and he whispered the final words as he got weaker… “This is my final love. I pray that I will never lose you again.” The song ended, Kaoru stood there. He couldn’t breathe or move. After a moment, he fell to the ground. Everyone rushed over, but they knew the guitarists fate.

Kaoru had worked himself so hard just to have one final message sent to his love.. And, in the end, he got his initial wish: to be with Toshiya forever.

Kaoru died that day, one year after Toshiya did. It was better that way. The others went on with their life, visiting the two graves every Sunday. Waiting for the day that they will all get to see each other again.

~Owari~

Yeah, it was a short and boring fic, but I just wanted to write it, leave me alone. If you want to hear the real song, you can just IM me, like I said earlier. I’ll give it to you and the music video if you want it. And, if you want the Konglish (like Romanji only… a Korean version) I’ll give you that too.

I hope you liked the random fic. Ta~ta.





GOMEN NASAI, KATY! ... This was written before I knew you.. :_: I'm sorry.. Don't hate me... But.. :_:''' You can yell at me if you cry..

Everyone else... o_o;; I hope you liked it. ^_^

A stupid fic.. Yay!
This really sucks... so read it! XDDD
And you can make fun of me all you want in the tag board.. Because my fic is teh suckzors.



No One Ever Forgets

[“After the incident, what do you plan to do?” “Do you know what you’ll do now?” “What about these rumors of a relationship?” “Excuse me, what ever happened to the others?”

After his death… I think we all just vanished.. No one wanted to talk after that.. No one wanted to admit it, but it was so apparent what had happened..

“Excuse me, what are the details on that night?” “Was the gunman found?” “How long did it take for the ambulance to get there?” “He was shot four times, why?” “What will become of your band?”

It’s no more… They’ll ask me questions every day-- since I’m the only one living it out. Dealing with life in the open. I’m the one that was hurt the most.. I still wear the ring on my finger, in hopes we’ll go through with it some day..

“There’s been word that he knew about it.. In lyrics or something.. Is this true?”

No.. it’s not another hide story.. There was no suicide note.. Nothing. It wasn’t suicide.. Didn’t they know by now? It was all over the news.. Even one year after it happened.. The memory… it still haunts me.. It’s so much like .. A nightmare.. Nothing seemed in place after the first shot.. I can’t.. No.. I’ll no longer answer petty questions that pertain to it.. The others are gone, I’m nothing more.. This is it. This was his final good bye, and he didn’t want it..

That night.. Haunts me.. In my dreams gone wrong. The memory of how it was almost lost.. Then everything got back together.. Everyone worked it out in the end.. I was in love with him.. And, I was shocked to find out he felt the same way.. Months later, that was all it took, we were engaged, even if it was immoral.. Or wrong. I loved him.. He loved me. That was all that mattered to us. And, we were going to go through with it.. Needles of the support or back-lashing we got. It was so right to us.

That was over. We didn’t even know.. But it was going to end. It was going to end on a day we thought nothing would work… When I think about it now… it’s almost amusing how I didn’t notice what that glaring light was from.. But, it hit me right on the face. I must’ve been blind..

The news.. They still over play the memory.. The wondrous bassist… shot down.. Not once.. But three times because he was that persistent to protect us.. And not himself. Even if he was the first target..

Hah, all this crazy nonsense over something so long forgotten in real life, but remembered through out the lives of his family, friends… fans.. The many people who still visit the grave stone.. The many who leave flowers… drawings.. Sometimes even candy so he had something for the afterlife.. Sometimes.. I find myself stealing some of that candy… like I used to. He knows I’m still the same old me.. Some where deep inside, when stuck in another one of my own pitiful memories. Pitiful.. Hah.. If ten years ago someone told me I’d be a moping old fool now.. I would’ve laughed. I had it all.. Everything. I had him… That was all I needed, him. Everything else came naturally, so natural it was scary..

But, now.. I’ll sit here and think about how it was.. How everything was.. And, I’ll ask myself.. Was it worth it? If I had ever asked him to join.. would he still be alive? But, this is another one of my pitiful memories.. I cherish them all. Everything. He made me a better person.. Then, he taught me how to go on… I did it all for him..

I would do it all over again..]

Slowly, the tired thirty-seven year old man put his laptop away. Another sad entry to be posted on his own private journal that only the other members had.. But, in the seven years that had gone by, not one comment.. Not one person called to ask how he was taking it.. If he wanted someone to stop by.. No one.. No one cared.. They all forgot it.. Knowing why it happened.. How it happened.. They all want to forget… It’s better that way..

The again, some times he wished it would all be the same..

“Just another moment to lay to rest..” The man sighed in a sad voice. Nothing would ever be the same. But, he found reason to get up and smile.. To have fun.. Laugh.. Everything.. All things taught by the only person he’ll ever love with all his heart..

But, still… he moved on.. And, he was as happy as he could get. That was all he could say.. He only looked sad when he was alone.. He feared solitude.. But always welcomed it’s company.. Always… And, in that solitude, the man laid down on his bed.. To sleep hours away and wake when morning came.Once again, he’d be visited by the memory of that day..

~~~~~~

“ne ne!! You’re so slow. Come on!! We’ll be late! We’re making a come back!! Yeah!! They thought they got rid of us, but now we’re back..” The hyper bassist laughed, pulling on his Myaku kimono, many memories coming to mind. Happy that the leader decided that they could pick out their favorite Visual outfits and instruments and wear them. Then again, for a comeback concert, they needed to open with a bang! And, this was a perfect way to do just that..

“Well, it’s not my fault you had to get icecream!!” The leader yelled, but he laughed afterwards, adjusting his outfit from JESSICA, but… since when was he one to show a lot of skin?

“You were the one who asked if I wanted some!!” The bassist pouted and quickly put on makeup while the crew style his hair just like it was for the Myaku MV.. The same happening to the leader who had to have extensions put in but it was alright!

“Kaoru, Toshiya. You have five minutes until show time! Hurry!” The vocalist yelled.. Yes, another harsh word from Sergeant Fluff-n-stuff-shorty-pants.. But, of course, never speak such words aloud..

“Aaa.. Kyo, you’re so mean!” Toshiya yelled, finishing applying that blue lipstick, then slipped into his black platform shoes to finish the look.. But, Kaoru was way ahead of him and had already went out.. So, Toshiya ran out after him and to the others.. Everything was going so well..

Show time..

No one thought it would be so shocking.. Much better than Blitz five Days.. This was Dir en gray’s premier show! And everything went by perfect..

About thirty minutes into the concert, Kaoru moved his way closer to Toshiya, it was nearing Toshiya’s bass solo in “Cage” and Kaoru wanted to be right there. But, something flashed, blinding him for a moment. He looked out into the crowed, shocked by the light.. But, nothing.. He saw nothing, so he walked over to Toshiya and kissed his neck.. Yes.. He was very open about his affections now.. He loved Toshiya, he was going to marry the man and nothing would stop him!!

Of course Totchi giggled, the fans drowned out the sound, and Totchi moved up a little a few more seconds.. And… Solo time.

Nothing…

“Toshiya, it’s your solo.. Play..” Kaoru said, stepping back to look at the bassist who just.. Stood there..

“Hn..” Was all that sounded from Toshiya. He took off his bass and handed it to Kaoru, then looked around. Soon he pushed Kaoru down.. There was a faint bang sound. The fans were going wild. It was all for show!

But, now there was a stream of crimson running down Toshiya’s chin.. Kaoru noticed.. He didn’t know what to think.. Kyo ran over.. There was another shot.. He was hit again.. But, it wasn’t the end. He turned.. Slowly.. But grabbed onto Kyo and held him tight.. Blocking him.. He was being shot because he was persistent.

Another shot.. And the man was found.. That shot went off.. And Totchi fell to his knees.. Body guard guys had their man, but .. That bit of information was never released.. Kaoru didn’t want anyone to know..

Two hours later… everyone was in the hospital. Everyone in tears, except for one person.. The doctor came out.. Shook his head.. Kaoru freaked out.. Who could blame him.. He just lost the love of his life. They expected him to cry.. All they could do was hold him…

No more.. No more pain.. No more memories!! Just…No more!!!

~~~~~

“Papa! Papa!!!” A young, five year old boy stood by the bed.. Poking his father’s arm repeatedly.. The man sat up slowly, looking to the boy with sad eyes.. Then he smiled.. Yes, his savior from the memories, Kaoru was glad to be a father.

Slowly he got out of bed. Lifting the small boy into his arms and smiling.. “Once again, you saved papa from the monster in his head.” He teased, playing with the long black hair of the boy’s..

“Papa, weren’t you scared?” The young boy asked..

“No… never will I be scared..” Kaoru said. “I have you… Toshiya…”

Yes, his only child.. Toshiya Niikura.. Kaoru named his son after the love of his life. That way.. He would always remember.. But, it always made him a little sad… the boy even looked like Toshiya.. But, maybe that was his imagination.. It was another step to healing… Even if Kaoru wouldn’t be around to watch him grow..

Yes, Kaoru was loosing a battle to lung cancer.. Since Toshiya’s death.. He smoked more and more to escape. Even drinking more. Now, he had lung cancer.. And would die any day. He wasn’t scared. His son would be safe with his mother.. And Kaoru would be with the love of his life. He anxiously awaited his death.. He was so greedy.

It didn’t matter. He set Toshiya down. Letting the hyper kid run off.. And, slowly Kaoru put on a robe and walked out after him.. The pains in his chest were back. It was an everyday thing.. But they were worse today.. So painful. He couldn’t stand them and ended up sitting on the couch and sighing.

Soon enough he picked up a book from on the coffee table, it was Toshiya’s diary. Even if the Japanese was hard to read, it was a relief from the real world.. And it was nice to read about what was going through Toshiya’s head before it happened.

Just as Kaoru opened the book a fraying seem on the material cover ripped and pictures fell out. Much to Kaoru’s surprise, they weren’t all pictures of Toshiya. As he looked through them, he noticed that some were baby pictures of the bassist god himself.. And.. Some were candid pictures of himself-- no, most… were candid pictures of himself.. And, three were from that very first day when he told off that one guy. Toshiya was taking pictures of him ever since the beginning. He had no clue anyone could love him that much after just meeting him..

The thought only brought tears to his eyes..

Slowly, his thirty-four year old wife walked into the room. Kaoru’s obsession showing on this woman with long black hair and facial features very similar to Toshiya’s. Kaoru couldn’t help but marry someone who looked like the person he really wanted to marry.

Slowly, the woman sat down next to him, pulling the ex-guitarist closer to her and holding him. All Kaoru could do was cuddle up and cough. But, a smile formed on his face. He was happy.

“Gomen nasai” He said softly, to his wife.. She knew what he meant and was strong until she noticed that Kaoru’s eyes were closed. He was resting and he was letting himself loose.

The blackness took over… then there was this blinding light.. Some how… he found himself walking, slowly down a hall.. Then out onto a stage.. The others all stood there, smiling. But, best of all.. Toshiya was there.. Smiling. Happy. This was how life should be. All together.. Smiling..

Kaoru took up his guitar, looking out to the large, but empty stadium, then to Toshiya. They exchanged smiles, then Shinya counted them off and they played..

For all eternity, they’ll be together. Like this…



~Owari~







Love my sucky fic. >_>;

Damn
Omfg.. My mom freaked out on me today..Seriously.

My dad called... and she listened in on the conversation.. and it really pissed me off.. Then, she came in and took my flutes and my guitar and stuff. I hate it when she does that..

She even kicked me off line.. What ever.. I went and stayed in Lee's room.. Yeah..

Then, I took a shower.. Yeah..

Then, I got out and my mom let me talk to my dad. o_O;

They're going to work it out legally so I can move in with him. Thank god.. -_-;; My mom just pisses me off sometimes..
It's so annoying.

But, hell.. I gots a pita. o_o;

Leave me alone. >_>